Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
