youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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