I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
