One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
