Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I didn't notice because vodka
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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