pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
