we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
