When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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