morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
