I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize