sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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