anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
