she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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