I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
