I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
