I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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