mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
