it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
