i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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