i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
