im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
