So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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