she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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