Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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