on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
