Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
