I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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