Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
