Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
