i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
