I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
