This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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