I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Randomize
