I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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