I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
