i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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