Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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