evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize