i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
