Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
