You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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