My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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