yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
