i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize