so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
