like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
