Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
