he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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