Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize