i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
