i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
