Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
