dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize