I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
