Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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