His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
