so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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