Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
