You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
