dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
