I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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