Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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