yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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