I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
