happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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