Jerry, you need to find god
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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