I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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