Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
