I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize