And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
