just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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