try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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