Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
