Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Where is the hickey?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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