Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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