I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize