my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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