She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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