it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
