Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
