I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
