i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There r osticjed everywhere
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
