I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
