Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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