She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
