$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
