You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
