Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
