I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
