drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
