that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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