What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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