The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
