Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
