i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
