i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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