Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
