I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i think my tv is drunk
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
