smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
